Maybe it's all she's worth
by BlackMoonQueen
Summary: An angsty short, between Katniss and Haymitch about her relationship with Cinna. T because I don't fully understand the rating system.


**A/N:** Angsty and pointless but felt like writing it.

**Disclaimer:** The Hunger Games belongs to Suzanne Collins. This is purely for non-profit fun.

_After the second rebellion Katniss and Cinna get together and make a go of it, with him travelling between her and the Capitol, never committing to one or the other. 2 years down the line and she's still getting mixed signals from him. Katniss goes to Haymitch to talk about her more-than-slightly-complicated relationship._

0o0o0o0

An orange glow shone through the window in the dirty kitchen at the Abernathy house, giving a warm light for Haymitch and Katniss to see by. He sat hunched over in his usual place at the table with a bottle of Hobbs finest, whist she nursed a cup of mint tea.

The pain of losing her family had never truly left, but with the help of her friends; Haymitch and Peeta, and more importantly; her sometimes-lover Cinna she'd learned to cope. But Cinna was often away on business working in the Capitol and no matter how many times he told Katniss he'd be back soon, she still had to remind him that their definition of 'soon' differed greatly. 3 months was not 'soon'. 2 weeks would be bearable, as would 3 weeks at a push. But to visit for a handful of weeks before disappearing again for months on end and expecting her to cope was unfair, something she was finally coming to understand.

"He does sometimes hint that he might move here…" She whispered half-heartedly to her former mentor who shook his head sadly.

"Sweetheart, he's Capitol and always will be. You and I both know you're deluding yourself for believing otherwise." He once again offered her a drink from his bottle, to which she declined as she always did.

"You know he doesn't like it when I drink." She replied.

"We'll he's not here is he. He left me to pick up the pieces of your broken little heart. And I say you need a drink for that." He said bitterly, making her wince. "I'm sorry sweetheart, I know you don't like when I talk so honestly." He apologised ruefully.

The tears she's been holding back finally slipped out with a sob.

"He _promised _he'd be back soon this time." She cried despairingly.

"Sweetheart, I hate seeing you like this. This…" he motioned to her curled up form "…isn't you. You're Katniss Everdeen: The Mockingjay who destroyed the old ways, the strong huntress who prowls the woods and helps feed our district, the young woman who gives as good as she gets and _still_ wakes her drunken mentor up by throwing water on him!" He laughed softly…sadly. "And I know you hate to hear it, but you need to let him go. I know he is a wonderful, kind, and caring man…but he will never truly be yours. Unless he pulls off something stupendous and finds a way to combine both you and his love for the Capitol…you will _always_ come second."

He set his bottle down unsteadily and walked to her side. Slowly and gently, he grasped her hand and led her to the sofa in the living room next door. With the light of the setting sun fading rapidly, Haymitch lit the fire and waited until it was crackling merrily before sitting on the sofa beside Katniss and pulling her onto his lap.

"What would I do without him though?" she asked weakly.

"You'd move in with me if you don't want to be alone, and you'd get yourself a life worth living for. You'd stop waiting around like a puppy pining for its master. You'd find yourself a good lad who can give you what you need so this place will be swarming with little Everdeen kids." He assured her quietly.

"I don't want to lose him though. Maybe this is all I'm worth…maybe its punishment for how I've been all my life…maybe I'm not allowed to be happy." She retorted. Haymitch snorted in derision and tenderly started to stroke her hair.

"Anyone who tells you that will have me to answer to. After all you've been through you deserve a proper family, perhaps with a drunken mentor to act as uncle and irritate the hell out of you when you're happy and pick up the pieces when you need me to. What about giving Peeta another chance?"

"You know he sometimes still has those rages from when they hijacked him, it wouldn't be safe for me or fair for him. Besides; he's happy with that assistant he hired for the bakery." She started fiddling with the hem of her dress. "I want to see if things work out with Cinna anyway…maybe he really will move here one day."

Haymitch sighed with the smallest of frowns and shook his head miserably.

"Have it your own way Sweetheart, you know I'll always be here to support you whatever happens. Just…just don't let this break you. I can see it in your eyes each day you know? You become a little more distant. And I can hear your screams at night all the way from your house when he's gone. You have to talk to him before it gets to the point where you fall apart." He whispered in her ear, rocking her back and forth gently.

"I know…and I will talk to him. But not yet, I can hold on a little longer." She whispered back.

"You always were stubborn." He kissed the top of her head and held her for the rest of the night as they talked until the fire died down. Eventually they fell asleep in the same position. When morning came Katniss stayed at his house, and the next night she slept in one of the spare bedrooms.

An unspoken agreement was reached that she would stay with him in Cinna's absence and curl up beside him on the sofa when the darkness in her felt overwhelming and she needed pulling back together again. It was far from perfect, but Katniss in her love-sick state felt the need to hold on for as long as possible…just in case a miracle did happen…just in case Cinna decided to be with her properly one day.


End file.
